Duncan's internal alarm clock woke him when his body had apparently gotten its fill of sleep. He tried to remember his dream. No luck. All he had was a haunting feeling that still clung to him. He did remember Ben being in it in some fashion, however lots of his dreams revolved around Ben lately. This one just seemed more important for some unknown reason.

Lazily he looked at the external clock on his night stand and saw that it was already a bit after 10 am. What a slug-bucket he had become lately. He knew he had to start thinking about returning to work, but was surprised that he seemed to have NO motivation to do so. He wondered if this is what depression was all about -- this lack of energy and increased need for sleep. Actually, in spite of the fact that he had originally balked so much at taking time off, he was really appreciating his dramatically reduced "to do list."

His first impulse upon finishing his morning routine was to turn on the computer immediately. He had to force himself NOT to turn the machine on, and instead decided to connect with Marsha and Benny. The time away might hopefully give him some insight as to the next step with Genvieve, since sleeping on it hadn't done the trick. He was glad they were home when he called, and they had decided that a romp at the zoo in Hartford might be just the ticket for some relaxing time together. It would afford some playfulness all together, as well as some time alone to visit with Marsha as they watched Benny play in the playground area. Duncan couldn't help but notice how tired Marsha's voice sounded over the phone. He wondered if she was sleeping enough, or if she was struggling with having enough energy for the basics as was Duncan.

Duncan's car seemed to know the way to his brother's house by heart. He felt comforted as he walked in the familiar entryway but soon noticed that the family room was completely rearranged. Marsha hugged him tight and then she half pulled him through the house to show Duncan all her late night redecorating projects; the ones she did when she couldn't sleep. She said it was a matter of survival. Either she would have to sell the house immediately and move on, or she would have to come to terms with reclaiming this house as her own. It wouldn't work for her she said to just have the house be the same but without Ben's living energy. Duncan certainly understood and applauded her efforts. He was amazed actually that she had accomplished so much, especially when he hadn't even gotten to his sink full of "science projects." A fast, but intense wave of sadness swept over him . This place had been a home base to him for years as he himself moved frequently. No matter how unreasonable this feeling was in his gut, he felt he was losing this island of stability; at least in a small way.

Benny burst into the room with his irrepressible 10 year old energy. He let Duncan hug him and then turned it into a sort of wrestling match. This "bear cub" needed attention in a way that moms often can't provide. He wondered if Marsha knew about Big Brothers/Big Sisters where Benny could get matched up with a male volunteer. Duncan didn't want to take away from another kid that didn't have an uncle to help out, but Benny could certainly use all the friends he could get right now. Duncan smiled as Genvieve's words popped into his head. "One could never, never have too many amis."

As Marsha and Duncan sipped coffee and watched Benny racing around with the other kids, Duncan couldn't help but think back to romps that he had with Ben when they were kids themselves. While there was always a closeness and camaraderie between them, there certainly was also an edge of competition that urged Duncan on to outdo his brother in any way possible. Ben had always been on such a high pedestal in Duncan's eyes, that it added to the sting of loss he was feeling, as well as the shock of Ben's secret computer life.

"Duncan, you look like you are a million miles away. Penny for your thoughts," was Marsha's comment that helped him regain focus on the visit at hand. He edited out the feelings involved surrounding Ben and told her instead about childhood memories of the zoo. Marsha put an arm around him and simply said, " Duncan, you know he loved you so much as a brother, but also as his friend." Sometimes Marsha was so intuitive; Duncan found it a bit unsettling, especially now with so much on his mind.

Marsha went on to say that she had not been able to sleep very well lately, but was really resistant to the doctor's offer of anti-depressants. She had been busying herself with projects around the house, but when it came right down to it, she was sleepless and lonely. She made a bitter comment about how she thought that all those nights being a computer widow would have better prepared her for this aloneness, but she was finding it difficult being by herself after Benny went to sleep. She couldn't even call anyone because most of the world would be sleeping. She lamented that Ben hadn't taught her more about the computer because he was often mesmerized by it until the wee hours of the morning.

It dawned on Duncan that Marsha might actually benefit from learning about the computer and getting on line. He wasn't quite sure how to pull that off without increasing the risk that Marsha would run into Genvieve, but he could see how it might help Marsha during this rough time in their lives. This would require some more thought. "What should I do, Ben?" he queried silently for what felt like the 100th time. Just then he remembered a piece of his dream. He remembered Ben beside him and words on the computer screen which seemed meaningful. Now what WERE they? Something about love. "Trust in love" or something to that effect. Duncan couldn't quite see how that was the answer to anything now in the middle of the day, instead of the middle of the night. Here Marsha trusted in Ben's love and he betrayed her. Genvieve seemingly trusted in his love too and now she was in pain with tremendous more pain in store. How did that help anyone?!

He felt his frustration level rise. Marsha again sensed something, but was kind enough to let it go without asking. Duncan abruptly got up and suggested they head to the Humane Society. If he couldn't solve the love issues with these two loving women, then maybe he would have a shot at helping with a lost love of Benny's -- his dog. The signs they had put up all over town had just caused some few moments of false hope. No one seemed to have seen the dog since that dark day. There was some comfort though in looking and they hadn't been to the Humane Society in a week or so. Benny was thrilled with the idea so off they went.

As they walked into the door, their senses were flooded with animals. Little children were petting their new family members. Animals were calling out to the onlookers in hopes of being let out of their cage or in plain protest. New puppy smell mingled with disinfectant. Benny zoomed down each aisle in hopes of finding his dog. They even asked an attendant about it. The attendant didn't want to be discouraging, yet shared that they might want to call animal control about any dogs they had picked up that they couldn't take to the Humane Society. She explained that often dogs that were seriously hurt will go and find a private place to end their life. If there were tags on the dog, then the owners were always called. Marsha sighed as she remembered seeing the tags in the "junk drawer" a week before that fateful walk.

The attendant respectfully asked Benny if he was considering getting another dog or puppy. Benny's face seemed horrified at the thought and he exclaimed, "I CAN'T just replace him with a new dog!" Duncan watched as Marsha struggled to comfort Benny. "We just lost Ben's dad," she explained to the attendant. "Benny, just because you make room in your heart for another, doesn't mean you don't have room for anyone else." With the impact of his mom's words, Benny started crying. Marsha then started tearing up and hugging him. The attendant sent a compassionate look towards Duncan, who clearly was feeling pretty broken up himself. He joined in this emotional family hug as the attendant quietly slipped away and give this family some privacy.

A quiet ride back to the house gave all of them the space they needed to regroup after the ordeal at the Humane Society. What a day it had been. So now, Duncan was watching out for four tender hearts, if he included his own. He thought back to Marsha's words to Benny, and he mulled over the words on the computer screen in his dream. He said quick "good-byes" and headed straight for home.

With a determined gait to his step, he went right in and turned on the computer. He was impatient for the now familiar handshake and booting up process to be over. He KNEW what he wanted to do with Genvieve. He sure hoped he was doing the right thing.