I recently saw a paper taped up at w*rk titled "How to Tell if Your CoWorker is A Space Alien." I laughed my *tush* off. and it got me thinking about all the "people" I have come in contact with online.
America and work-sites do not have a corner on alien mainstreaming. The Internet is a perfect home for these visitors. See if you can identify "people" you have met on the net that would be suspect.
1. Aliens are often hesitant to use CuSeeme. Under the anonymity of the Internet, they can easily "pass." It is much harder to hide outrageous clothing combinations and it is especially difficult to be believed as human if they are seen naked. Oddly formed multiple sex organs, or unusually placed body parts only fool the terminally clueless.
2. On IRC channels there often is a tendency to have people put out a "buffet" for others to virtually stuff their faces. It is fairly easy to spot an alien if they put up things like "$@#JGMMHSNzzzzz's with mass quantities of qlkcoeip3oin~~~iypi3uhpiuh." Any items typically found in a hardware or electronic shop here on earth, that are served with pride as food, give you another hint of eccentric alien habits.
3. Bizarre sense of humor is thought to be another true sign of an alien. Hmmm, maybe I am the last native in cyberspace.
4. Have you ever noticed that a large percentage of people seem to IRC or use the net when they are home "sick" from w*rk, (especially those that have gotten caught netting FROM w*rk)? YOU know who they are! They are the ones that are there every single time YOU sign on , have not left since you last saw them and you wonder how in the hell they can make a living. This may be your answer.
5. Apparently aliens have a deep-seated need, or even a compulsion, to make notes and keep diaries of their observations of earthlings. Know anyone that keeps logs of everything? How about 7.9 gig of stored e-mail? Think about it.
6. Aliens are often thought to have trouble using electronic equipment or software correctly. With technology racing so fast that it is hard for anyone to keep up, it might be difficult to sort out who is using software and hardware incorrectly, a plus for Aliens. However, if you see that someone is writing a tech piece on "cookies" for instance, and they talk about an "Easy bake oven," you might have cause to be suspicious.
7. The fact that the Internet is international with people from all walks of life, really helps aliens blend in more. No wonder there is a stampede from AOL users to get on the net.
8. A sure sign that someone is a space alien is if they come on channel, and, instead of asking for a name and location check, they ask for a unit and galaxy check. If the topic seems to be revolving around kids and someone complains about their clones, it might be prudent to ease on out of channel if you are alien phobic.
9. Just like CuSEEMe, aliens tend to give themselves away if they are on FREETEL. While it is a program set up to talk back and forth to someone else, it also lets people hear the aliens practicing our different languages by talking to themselves.
10. Detecting mood swings due to aliens being around high tech equipment is extremely difficult. The very fact that they are on the computer often sends them up and down the emotional roller coaster. One minute they may be happy and babbling, er bubbly. The next minute they may be into a kicking frenzy if someone even gives the slightest hint of rubbing their electrons the wrong way.
Researchers are now hard at work attempting to study the correlation between high levels of kicking or flaming behavior on the Internet with the on-going low level radiation exposure from computer monitors. They currently are struggling to find an enough people for an appropriate control group that doesn't exhibit those behaviors while online.
While these are tools to help you identify the aliens that may be in your life, please make absolutely sure before you accuse anyone. Aliens are known to be almost as litigious as the type of human specie known as the U.S. citizen. =)