After chasing the day from early morn to try and cram in everything on my "to-do" list between jobs, I might find myself online sometimes late in the afternoon before I need to get dinner going. E-mail checked, channel checked for a few minutes, my time for play is up. My standard joke lately is that I must head on out because I have exactly 20 minutes to thoroughly clean the house, walk the dog, be the perfect mommy, cook a gourmet dinner and become a sex kitten when my hubby comes home. Talk about multi-tasking at its best!
I often wonder how my parents did all they did and in talking to others, they are curious about their parents' ability as well. I also wonder how they would do it if they had to do it all again in this day and age, especially with the computer. Were the Depression Era people simply a heartier stock? Did they just not know any better and therefore put up with more, or do we have more pressures than we actually realize. Are we just "spoiled?" Maybe our priorities have just greatly changed. It is a puzzle to me.
Coming from a middle class background, we were very fortunate to have lots of advantages. My mom was a stay at home mom for the most part and when she did work, it was for my father's business when his secretary was gone. Not quite the Ozzie and Harriet family (my parents loved each other, but were mismatched), we led a pretty typical suburban life for Dayton, Ohio.
My mom had a woman who helped clean every week or every other week, but her floors were always clean enough to eat on (IF anyone was crazy enough to be interested in that activity). She planned balanced, healthy meals that were mostly at the same time every night and we always sat down together, even when my father was working late.
She ran us all over town to ballet lessons, flute lessons, Saturday school, swimming lessons, Girl Scouts, and friends' houses. I don't even recall being in any car pools and we had no family in the same state, so she was on her own.
My mom was active in several women's groups, volunteered, helped with school activities and was basically involved all the time with making our lives run smoothly. For years when I was older, I pushed and nagged at her to get involved with things for herself and even get a job that she would find satisfying. She had once been the head of her class before she married my father right out of high school. She was lacking confidence in herself, and I believe she also liked to be her "own boss" by running our household.
She did all this without the help of a microwave or fast conveniences and we didn't often eat out. When we did, it was a very big deal. Going to watch them flame the hamburgers at a new place called BURGER KING was a special night out!
So here I am, with a sign on my wall that says, "I am choosing to spend my life on priorities other than housework." That sign is partially an apology up front for visitors to not expect a tidy house, but it also serves as a reminder to me. I am CHOOSING to not spend my time making sure that I have dust conquered or garnishes on my dinner plate.
My life barely resembles my parents and I often make a joke of it and say "I WANT A MOMMY!" I want someone to make life run smoothly so I can work instead of having to work AND be the support to another person who is also working. I have to say that even though my husband does an incredible job of helping and even taking charge of many things, what we really need is a care-taker.
This care-taker could be of either sex. I believe in equal rights and try to not be sexist. They would just need to do all the things that we don't want to do but are needed to make life more organized. As it stands now, our clothes always need ironing. Try as I might to buy clothes with easy care fabrics, everything is NOT permanent press. In fact, some of you might remember my son recently asking me what that thing was that I set up to do IRON ON transfers. Apparently I have seriously neglected his ironing board education! <grin>.
I want the care-taker to cook as well. Right now I scramble to make dinners that cover the basic food groups, often on the run. I have a huge cupboard of cookbooks. Samela's new book is especially wonderful and comes the closest for w*rking for me. However, if truth be known, I have never been good at following recipes. My style is more like looking at a recipe, getting an idea, and creating something along the same genre`. Most cookbooks have a table of replacements, but I know that the kind of replacements I often make are NOT in any table anywhere. One of the advantages of inventive ingredient juggling is that we NEVER have the same dish twice. =)
The care-taker could finally help me clean out some of the drawers and do some of the tasks that never seem to get done. My mom had towels that all matched, were all color-coordinated with the decor, and were constantly folded nicely. She even rotated the towels and sheets so that they wouldn't be the same old towels each time. I am grateful to have clean towels out and even more jazzed when they sort of match something, somewhere. Our dog could eat off our floors instead of us so this caretaker would have plenty of chores there as well.
So, like many *Baby Boomers*, it seems like I am juggling as fast as I can and yet always feel like there are 1000 more things that need to be done. I also feel like I need big doses of "FUN" to try to cope with all the "HAVE To's" in my life. The computer helps me grab "fun fixes" on the run as well. How many people could actually justify going out to a party or a bar or some other gathering of friends each and every day/night? In some ways, that is exactly what we are doing with visiting on the net.
So how did my parents and their generation do it? Maybe it only seemed like they were doing it. If we look at the many in that generation that freely used Valium, I don't know. I love the bumper sticker that says: "Somebody has to be the adults, and it's OUR TURN!" Hopefully I will be able to get this *adult* thing down before I go into my second childhood. =)