Uncertain, I called from a marketplace close to where she lived. Her voice was incredibly smooth and I noticed a bit of an accent that hinted of proper etiquette and years of education. I stood at the pay phone, fidgeting, and listened to the directions. My mind's eye drifted back to the day we had first met on IRC. Had I REALLY asked this woman (in jest) to marry me when I found out she was Canadian, because I wanted to live in British Columbia? Chuckling to myself at this scenerio, I was surprised at how excited I was to be meeting her and also how very nervous. These feelings just increased as we made our way to her door and waited for her to buzz us in. SHEEEEEESH.....it was like I would imagine a blind date to be like.
When our eyes finally met, all the anxiety melted away and I hugged her like I had known her all my life. From that point on, I knew that I would WANT to know Hilary FOR the rest of my life. She had gone so out of her way (in spite of lots of encouragement NOT to do so) and had prepared a WONDERFUL Shabbat dinner for us. The warmth of her house and the absolute RIOT we had IRCING turned what started off as one evening, into a whole weekend and then additional days together.
This is a poem she wrote about that first dinner!
I take the candlesticks from the mantlepiece Gently rub to uncover the warm brass glow polish scent mingling with challah baking and kugel cooling taking me back to the special warmth of my Bobah's kitchen As they begin to shine I see them on her table Her loving arms guiding me as I put them in place Oh, they will be here soon...I must put memories aside I sing in the shower all those songs from long ago Dressing, I wonder where are the candles oh yes, there they are The doorbell rings...they're here at last Such beautiful voices, such a mellow guitar Rachel sets the table while I "throw" the knaidlach into the soup I smile to myself Mother, you never did tell me what distance I should throw them from We light the candles and sing the prayer The room takes on that special glow We each sip from the cup of sweet kiddush wine - A new tradition they have brought me: Four hands pull on the challah as we break bread together - Bobah's candlesticks on my table Yes, this is Shabbat shalom Hilary Ostrov hostrov@uniserve.com Home Page URL:http://haven.uniserve.com/~hostrov/myssiwyg.html Co-Webmaster - The Nizkor Project
That was the first experience I ever had meeting someone from IRC. It turned out so much better than I ever could have hoped; so much so that I then felt brave enough to actually call NITRAM and also meet with BarryW! That time with Hilary inspired me to have the first PORTLAND party a few months later to celebrate when she came down to my house for a visit. The rest is history!
Every day people connect with other people and face the issue of what kind of a relationship they want to establish. For me, and from what others have shared with me, it is fairly common to want to take it to the next step in getting to know people that seem like *friend material*.
In trying to sort through the various stages, this is what seems to be the natural progression (though clearly not cut in stone) of developing relationships.
These basic steps seem to exist for irc friends as well as irc sweeties except that there would probably be some additional steps of deciding about becoming sexually intimate in real life.
When someone first told me that they refused to meet people from IRC on general principle, it took me a bit by surprise. Apparently they were quite heavy in real life and felt that if they met with people, their image would be diminished somehow. They refused to share gifs with people for the same reason. While I sympathized with their fears, it also saddened me that people who were highly valued online, would suddenly lose respect because of body size. I have been fortunate to have met a lot of people from IRC as I am a social person by nature. I can honestly say that although I have been taken aback a few times with the different image in real life from imagined one, there has only been one time where I felt that someone's physical presence was an issue. And, in fact, it was more the way they behaved in person that really made a difference.
One person I had hoped to meet during some of my travels, was unwilling to meet at all in person or even by phone. This was a person I had felt a good connection with and had known for a long time. At first I wondered if it was for that same issue about body image and then I began to feel a bit hurt. In trying to understand their reasoning, they assused me that it had NOTHING to do with me, they would NOT meet with anyone at all. They had made a very strict separation between their IRC life and their REAL life and did not want those two realities to be blended.
Naturally, if there are real life spouses/sweeties involved, there are lots of complexities added to meeting. Much depends on the kind of relationship there is with a spouse/partner. As a compulsively honest person myself (sometimes too much for some people's comfort *sigh*), my husband has a clear understanding about IRC and we have no secrets. Not everyone is so lucky. Some people are not able to be so forthcoming with their sweeties and therefore either have to sneak a real life visit in, or pass altogether. Although it is unfortunate, I suspect that IRC has come between more than a few couples.
All in all, this new medium clearly has its own roller coaster of emotions and decisions to be made. That may also be what makes it sooooooooooooooooooooo darn appealing!