It is that time of year. Time for us to "planfully" reclaim our yard from the bullies that overtake our backyard meals and play time. You would think that a little critter, no bigger than a little jellybean with wings, would not cause such a ruckus. Yes, I am talking about the common bee. I can say from personal experience that those critters are MEAN and have been known to intimidate the bravest of souls.
Our counterattack involves amazing high tech stuff indeed -- bee pheromones. This clear liquid gets put out for all the bees to be driven wild with desire, only to be fatally trapped. The fact that we can actually gather those pheromones and use them to our advantage is very intriguing to me.
I am fascinated by what attracts us to each other and actually wonder if the very use of the Internet itself will have significant changes in those attractants.
Being a large woman myself, I have often been invited to the channel "#BBW" (Big Beautiful Women) by friends. I have gone there primarily to visit with these friends and because I was curious. I have to say that I was surprised at how many such channels existed and how many men were in these channels.
My long-time friend of 20 years told me that there are many "FA's" (Fat Admirers). This was a puzzling concept to me and one she patiently explores with me. From my perspective, I believe that sizeism is just as insidious and hurtful as any other form of bigotry. One day I saw some research being presented on TV about the effect of weight on the helping behavior of strangers. In the first part of the research a woman was made up to appear fat. The premise was that she had locked her keys in the car and was asking passers-by for help in retrieving them. The shocking fact was that the VAST MAJORITY of the time, perhaps close to 80-90% of the time, she was ignored or flatly refused.
In the other scenario, the SAME woman, now as her naturally thin self, asking the same questions, with the same smile and demeanor, was now getting 100% of help from passers-by. In some cases, she didn't even have to ask for help; men especially would stop her and offer.
I have to say that it hurt my feelings greatly to understand the depth of prejudice against fat people here in the USA at least. While I am not militant about it as some of my friends are, I strongly believe that bodies come in all sizes and everyone deserves to LOSE or GAIN respect from others, based on personality and behavior. To me, one's inner make-up is so much more of value than someone's outer appearance. The net is almost magical in being a great equalizer in that way.
Given those beliefs, I find it incongruent to find people that go out of their way to be with fat people. My point to my friend was/is that if someone doesn't like me because I am fat, it isn't any better to like me BECAUSE I am fat. I find it just as offensive if someone likes me BECAUSE I am Jewish, or if I were African American.
Her counterpoint is that we all have images in our head of what and who attracts us. Maybe for some it is an image of a tall, dark man; maybe it is blond hair with blue eyes. Her point is that while we might deviate from those types, it is a deep mapping and may be even genetic. She contends that it also is the same for FA's. For whatever reason, there are many people in this world that feel completely drawn to fat people.
Being good friends, we argued back and forth. She kept trying to pin me down to get in touch with my own images of what I find attractive. As much as I hated to admit it, I HAVE a type! YIKES! Granted, many of my sweeties have not fit that type, but if I were to objectively classify who I immediately find myself noticing, it would be tall, substantial people with dark hair, sculpted features, a quick smile and expressive eyes.
So how does that play out on the Internet? I believe that the net is a great equalizer. Often friendships are established before pictures are even exchanged, thus giving people a chance to get beyond physical biases. So what will be my type in the cyber world? I already know I am drawn to people who are substantial, who sculpt their words with a quick smile and expressive ;) eyes. Does that count?